Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Tales From The Crypt of The Self......
In the Name of God Most Understanding and Gloriously Gracious....
Abu Yazid Bistami said one time:
"If the Throne and what is around it and what is in it were placed in the corner of the heart of a Knower, they would be lost completely inside it."
a jewel from he who knew,
he also said, most beautifully, upon the trials to achieve his station of nearness:
"I was twelve years the blacksmith of my self, and five years the polisher of the mirror of my heart, and for one year I was looking in that mirror and I saw on my belly the girdle of unbelief. I tried hard to cut it and I spent twelve years in that effort. Then I looked in that mirror and I saw inside my body that girdle. I spent five years cutting it. Then I spent one year looking at what I had done. And Allah opened for me the vision of all creations. And I saw all of them dead. And I prayed four takbiras of janaza (funeral prayer) over them."
it's part of many other diamonds he uttered, often in a state of fana, (see links)
Notions of coincidence came to this erstwhile trepidarious and somewhat hesitant penner of purple notions...the other night while sailing through memories long suppressed...
....and I mean a most curious coincidence, came to mind. Coincidence's meaning is something we really don't understand but for many, the undeniably mysterious term, " will of God", is the most exact.
It's to do with my friend, a certain Adelaide marooned, Michael Kumnick, the most unique, frizzy haired artist, performer, comedian, savant-genius sculptor, drawer, designer: you name it he does it oh so very well but who has not yet mastered his concentration span, however, it's on the make I hear but that's another story.......
.........back in '98, he once spontaneously accompanied me, when I was known as the infamous "DrZen " (see the remains of him, towards the bottom of this link) on a roadtrip from Hell to Melbourne, one sultry Adelaide night.
I was out of my mind at the time, reeling under the effect of that strange altered state called 'Mania' on the rebound from a very serious 'nervous breakdown', yes that ol' chestnut, well, I almost took my own God given gift of life, due to the never ending, mind numbing chronic depression. A most, terrible spiritual affliction, IMHO, and unseen to external observers who generally just tell you to snap out of it, of which there are many degrees where only the taster knows of it's utter debilitation of the self.
It took a lot of love, and concern from my parents (God Bless 'em!) hospitalization and extremely high doses of an antidepressant called Effexor to drag me out of it. For nothing else at that time was working. In the end, I was taking over 350mg a day to be exact (normal dose is around 50-75mg) However, the major side effect was, despite the fact that I was suddenly feeling very and quite astonishingly amazing within about a week, was that I slowly flipped straight into mania (one of the side effects they warn you about), so armed with what felt like a supercharger in my soul, I packed my stuff & took off back to the high life and bright lights of Sydney & Adelaide wreaking havoc left, right and centre.
All I knew was that I didn't respond well to someone being authoritive and had resource to a very powerful rage, vivid imagination & verbose articulateness that enabled me to fool most people relatively easily. You seem as this amazingly energized person who's kind of dangerous, it fascinates people for a while, at least.....
Mix that with the lethal temptations of a charismatic individual promising you a 6 figure sum and giving you large and pure selections of the most powerful entheogens & psychedelics available on the planet, as long as you'll make 20kg of so & so...and bingo you've got an Idiot's Guide to How to Be Walking Disaster Area...
But I digress, and all of that walking around, blowing people's conciousnesses into to other dimensions, is a whole other story, back to the coincidence, in point:
Amidst the loud music, joints and the 140Km/h average velocity and just past Bacchus Marsh (birthplace of novelist Peter Carey) the motor explosively announced a loud Bass WRENCH and shuddered to a grinding halt, spewing oil....something most seriously broke indeed,
So that was it, completely rooted, broke & stuck still 100km from Melbourne: we got towed to the local, flouro lit, bland & blue ford dealership, Michael & I, where we hurriedly dealt with the formalities. Bored and glum, Michael went to watch the TV in the adjacent room, nothing remarkable about that but I remember him in there.....
Later, much later,
- after Michael had walked off to his own immediate destiny, later that night, in utter frustration to my over the top behavior, such as taking my shirt off, & being thrown down stairs of nightclubs after taking on bulging bouncers 3 times my size, etc,
-after the 3 weeks playing baccarat James Bond style, trying to get the $1200, begging from people inside the casino, consequently being thrown out on numerous occasions and almost succeeding but ultimately failing, as thus destiny dictated, and that's a whole other story...
-after the period as an 'imagination busker' hustling on the streets and inadvertently impressing a few people with the ol' 'How to Make A Time Machine' such as the manager of Circus Oz as I remember, he gave me his card, & told me I should film it and let him know alas another lapsed opportunity... ;^)
-after trying to sell unique massages at various underground rave events
-after loafing off a sweet girl I met in a Internet Bar,& then living at her place for the period of time because I was homeless all the while
I gave up, and it was 3 months later and I was utterly penniless
So my dear Father bought me the $12 ticket to Sydney, where I proceeded to meet with the afore mentioned individuals, who convinced me to make a few kilo's of something else in one week, which I did for the required $1200.
NOW I was very suddenly imbued with the power to buy the car back, little did I know at the time but I earnt a curse with that money.....but that is an awareness far removed from where I was at the time,
So, armed with secret instructions, I traveled serruptiously back on a overnighter Greyhound to Melton where I promptly found myself standing back at the same bland, flouro lit, blue counter looking at the invoice, groaning & hesitating over the 4 months of trial & error that led to this moment, I forced myself to hand over the money, no easy feat, it was more enough to buy a new more reliable car, but for some strange reason I just had to get it back. Maybe it was all for just that moment....
While they processed it, I sauntered in to the TV room, and it was about 11AM in the morning and I looked up to the screen : Lo & behold! there was Kumnick, surreally looking back at me, from inside the TV!
A strange chill & that delicious sensation of goose pimples formed all over my body and you know Somebody is teaching you something, he was buzy presenting Humphry B. Bear which was being broadcast that morning....and I just happened to see him on the right channel, at the right time, standing in the same place he had been standing, the very last time when I was at this very office with him months earlier...
.....so work that one out!
The moment was so imbued with meaning that I could not help but burst into giggles....and almost cried in the process,
Dear Michael is an important person to me, I miss him, and it was underlined by this whole experience, it's criminal, yet meaningful that he hasn't got his amazing work, drawings, designs, concepts & sculpture yet on the web, I hope to be able to help him do it when I'm back in Oz, Godwilling....
Got a class now, time's up
Peace Be Upon You All,